Love. We all crave and need love in our lives. Regardless of your sexual orientation, love is necessary for survival along with feeling desired by your significant other.
Now ladies, I am going to be real for a moment. As I am writing this, I am struggling with my own relationship. I understand what it takes to have a successful relationship and have read numerous of books, watched shows, documentaries, on how to maintain a good relationship. Let me be the one to say, IT IS HARD. The general consensuses in all were that great relationships take work, dedication and there will be hard times. How couples survive the hard times is a clear indicator if you have a solid relationship. In the past, once my relationships got difficult, it ended, either by me or the other person –but mainly me. This time around, I truly desire to be with the person I am with even though we are not necessarily seeing eye to eye. What I learned, despite our troubled state, is that I genuinely like him as a person. I realize that is hard to come by and I am willing to do what it takes to make things work. With that being sad, I want to share 5 things that I have learned in the past and recently about basics of sustaining a healthy long lasting relationship.
- Communication- I can’t stress this enough. Most of us can not communicate effectively. Even I, who thinks I am a great communicator, am learning that I need to learn to communicate better with my significant other. Every person communicates differently and what used to work in a previous relationship, may not work in another one. Learning your significant other’s love language and communication style is important. More often than not, it will be necessary to gain better understanding on learning to communicate with your partner by means of a third party. A professional can equip a couple with tools specialized for them to aid in better communication.
- Relinquish Control – Yep, I said it. Let go of the need to want to control your partner and the groove of the relationship. It is important to let your mate be who they are. If things are not working the way you need, communicate (that ratchet C word again). But first ask yourself is this something personal? If so, do the work to find out way. Controlling aspects of your relationship is totally different from your career or decorating your home. You can only control yourself. Your reactions, your responses and your actions.
- Time – Spending quality time together is super important. If your significant other devotes their time everywhere else, but with you, then you need to communicate your expectations. Find out what works for them and express your needs. No relationship can survive without spending time together. Without quality time together, the relationship will fall apart and it also shows that there is something seriously wrong. If you like the person you are with, wouldn’t you want to spend time around each other?
- Trust- Without trust, there is no relationship. Period. There is no other way around it.
- Accept disagreements – You have your own mind right? Guess what! So does your significant other. You will never agree on everything. You will not like what the other says or does from time to time. Conflict is present in every relationship. Some people will say, they never fight, or they never have conflict. I call bullshit. Something is going unsaid. Being agreeable just to avoid conflict is never a good thing. Speak up. Be heard. Be respectful. If the disagreements aren’t major such as domestic violence, mental and emotional abuse, cheating then work it out! Why throw away a good relationship over misunderstanding? As you disagree on things, you will have a better understanding of your partner and if done correctly, you will grow closer.
Keep in mind; there are several things that contribute to a successful relationship. Relationships are hard, even if you have found your perfect match. Do not throw away a good relationship over a tough time. Perseverance, trust and good communication can withstand any tough time. Not everyone is a believer, but, if you are I will say seeking a higher power first is essential. Walking by faith and not by sight is solid key to overcoming any trouble that may come your way.
Ladies, thank you for reading and allowing me to be a little transparent in this post. I look forward to your comments and questions.